The Bravest Pose

One day, not too long ago, I arrived at my yoga class with a broken heart. I set myself up in the back corner of the room. My teacher walked over to me, and asked me how I was doing. I could not answer. Ugly primal noises came from me, warm liquid streamed from my eyes and nose. She held me until my composure returned. She invited me to stay for class, doing only what called to me, even if that was laying in child’s pose for the hour.

Garbhasana, child’s pose, is kneeling in prostration with the forehead to the ground. Normally used as a resting pose, it is very effective in integrating warrior poses. Virabhadrasana Dwi, warrior two, is such an empowering pose. The body takes it space, from the authoritative leg stance to the arms outstretched, this pose states “I am here.” After exploring warrior, coming into child’s pose brings that awareness from the outside in.

My teacher has offered feeling the courage of child’s pose. Surrendering to gravity, allowing whatever that experience brings. This openness is an act of bravery. Trust in the body, the mind, the heart. In the stillness, possibilities abound.

Off the mat, I struggle to find my place in this life. Balancing my own interests with the work required in each day. I am choosing to schedule my time to study and practice yoga. Sometimes I need to fight for that time and space in each day. I take action, however small, that states “I am here.” Sometimes it’s taking a different yoga class; sometimes it’s studying the Sanskrit names of the poses. Each day, I commit to what is important to me. When the day does not allow me to practice, I recommit the next day.

Those days that do not allow me to practice are my greatest challenge. I feel agitated, I feel swindled.  When breaking free from family or work obligations is not a choice, complaining is not my only option. I can surrender to the wisdom that the moment offers. Being open and present in the moment, when the fight or flight urges pull, can be a frightening idea. What if I let go, and just let this happen? What if I listen to what someone else needs? What if I give of myself, trusting that the time for me will arrive as needed?

The day I cried in yoga class, I was fighting to be present in my own life. I was battling the fallout of an important relationship. When I surrendered in my child’s pose, I felt the loss. I felt the emptiness inside me. I did not hide from it. By facing the pain, I began the healing. 

Through yoga, a new world opened to me. A world that explores both empowerment and surrender, I discover nuances in the dance of that balance each day.