“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to
the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer
experience.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt
After two years of training and initial teaching of
yoga, it was time for a break. My husband did a bicycle tour with his dad
earlier this year and wanted to share with me some of his
favorite sites along the Oregon coast. As I begin my intensive training into
yoga instruction and yoga therapy this week, it was the right time to break
away from routine and familiarity into the unknown. This was my adventure.
I have been challenging myself to face what scares me, until
I run out of things that scare me. Though I haven’t run out of fear-triggers yet,
the line of resistance has relaxed quite a bit. My fear of flying did not
result in a panic attack, and I was able to breathe through lift off. On our
first full day, we walked through the busy city of Portland. I crossed over the
pedestrian bridge with cautious ease. I felt confident for our hike the next
day.
We set out to hike Multnomah Falls Trail, wearing our hiking
boots and feeling excited. At the base of the waterfall, we looked up to the
pedestrian bridge, and I felt intimidated to climb that high. We giggled when we saw the path was paved and some people were coming down wearing flip-flops. When we reached the bridge,
I felt empowered.
The trail continued around the mountain, unpaved. As we gazed out to
the Columbia River below, I noticed the steep drops had no barriers built. I
also saw the trail got very thin and uneven. By the time we reached the
second switchback, I was done. Pete encouraged me to continue, to conquer my
fears, but I felt the panic rising. I waited at the landing of this switchback
as he continued his climb. I sat in my fear, meditated and prayed. I watched a
variety of ages and body types climb up and down without the obstacle of fear. By
the time Pete came back, I had some greetings with the passers-by and even did
a few yoga poses.
Our adventures continued with a very loose itinerary, not
always sure where we would sleep that night (we had our camping gear). I continued challenging my fear
levels throughout our many adventures along the Pacific Coast. When we stopped
at vista points to take in the views, the mountain at our back and the ocean
below, fear dissipated. I was fully absorbed in the wild landscape.
On our last flight home, I took the window seat. Pete slept
as I watched our ascent (yes, he can sleep through take-off). I watched the
ground fall away, heard the engines escalate in power and felt the shuddering
of the aircraft. I also observed my thoughts, my physical responses, and my
breath. As I slowed my breath, my thoughts slowed and my body calmed. This too,
I observed.
We arrived at the airport an hour before our luggage. In
this moment I saw very clearly that I could choose to allow this to affect my
memories of the adventure, or to accept it as part of the experience. As we
waited in baggage claim, we observed the people around us, the shift of the
crowd as flights arrived and people departed. We remembered the highlights of
our travels; the majestic redwood trees, the ocean sprays on rocky beaches. We
were too tired to be hungry or need anything. It was an interesting place to
be.
“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you
can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people
there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the
same as never leaving.” ― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky
