Like many people, I was conditioned to earn approval. Pass the test, meet the deadline, clean up, pay money, etc. If I didn't meet expectations, the consequences ranged from disappointment to punishment. Society's dangling carrot of approval incrementally moving further
beyond my reach. I teetered between trying harder and giving up.
What was missing was the connection to me. That concept wasn’t
encouraged or even taught. All that external focus to gain approval and stay
out of trouble overrode any internal focus. If it can’t be measured or
graded, what is the value? Depleted from running on that hamster wheel to
nowhere, I had no choice but to get off the carousel and figure out a new way.
I started with my physical body, which was overweight and
addicted to cigarettes. I started walking, biking, practicing yoga and fun
workout videos. I noticed when I felt hungry and how I felt after I ate. I used an online food and exercise
tracker. I felt stronger, and my body moved easier. I also felt more confident.
Some people noticed the changes and offered compliments. Although touching, I was surprised how little I needed it. I have created a strong connection
to my body that didn’t require outside validation.
However, I still struggled
with people-pleasing and social anxiety. This connection goes
deeper, right to the heart. I was completely lost here, out of touch with who I was and what mattered to me. I sought desperately for guidance, never
satisfied. I was back on the carousel.
I have practiced meditation for a long time,
having powerful and insightful experiences in group meditations. I needed more, and I couldn’t just rely on the group. As I commit to a personal meditation practice, my focus inward grows stronger. I listen to
my heart. It lets me know
if I am moving in the right direction, or I need to change course. As I nurture this loving relationship with
myself, I find that this connection is a gateway to the divine nature that I have
known as God. God had always been too big a concept for me to understand. Now I experience the awe and joy of connection beyond this
tangible existence.
Like any relationship, this needs work to keep it alive and
vital. It’s too easy to fall back into despair and apathy. This world challenges
me over and over to give up; it’s too hard and nobody cares. In order to keep
myself connected and on my path, I need to start each day checking-in and
reaffirming my commitment to myself. This morning ritual has evolved over the
years, and it keeps changing. The following are the basic practices that work for me:
1.
Exercise- even 10 minutes of sun salutations awakens the body and brings a sense of accomplishment. I exercise throughout the day, so I don’t need to get it all in before
breakfast.
2.
Meditate- if the weather is agreeable, I'll do walking meditations and combine these first 2 practices. I also listened to guided meditations, chanting, or just focus on my breath.
3.
Journal- stream of conscious writing is very effective for connecting within.
4.
Inspirational reading or media- if not in the morning ritual then at some time during the day. Sometimes it resonates,
sometimes it doesn’t. It never hurts.
5.
Prayer/ intention- whatever is stuck in my heart, this releases it out to the universe, to work out however it’s
supposed to work out.
There are many ways to practice connecting to our authentic
self. Committing to a morning ritual sets the tone that you desire for the day. This summer, I am offering a 7am yoga class Monday through Friday at Be Well.
I will be sharing and exploring tools that you may incorporate with your own
morning rituals. If that not available to you, smiling when you first wake up each day is a great practice! I highly recommend it.
