The Butterfly

Females particularly seem attracted to butterflies, and I am no exception. When I was 4 years old, my mom said “don’t move. There’s a butterfly on your shoulder.” We both knew it was auspicious. That was a sacred moment I have carried with me, never fully understanding it, yet always grateful.

Enhancing my meditation practice, I am following the Mentor’s Channel 21-day practice focusing on the teachings of Osho, a 20^th century mystic. One meditation focused on the importance to take risks, to venture outside the comfort zone and truly live life. I recognized this message was essential for my continuing development.

When I first began teaching yoga, I was not comfortable being the teacher. The sympathetic nervous system was in high gear! My heart would race, my clothes would stick with perspiration, and my muscles would brace to fight or flee. Fortunately, this subsided through time as I became familiar with being in front of the room, leading my class through asanas and breathing.

Other areas of my life still get my heart racing. Riding my bicycle with cars on the road gets me nervous, even after I took an empowering and thorough traffic skills course. About 5 years ago I would ride to my office a few times a week. Life changes took me out of that routine, and my time on the bike has fallen through the years. My husband is an avid cyclist. I do not join him and our friends for group rides. That’s not alright.

My husband and his dad took a 5-week bicycle/ camping trip from Seattle to Los Angeles this spring. That is wild living! Not knowing where you will sleep each night, never mind the ever-changing road conditions, weather, water supply, phone signal, etc. Meanwhile I am safe at home in my routine of teaching yoga, seeing my friends, and caring for the home.

The dichotomy within our marriage isn’t lost on me. I want to explore the world with my partner, without fear holding me back. I trust him; I know I am safe with him. Now is the time for me to trust myself. I have been given this awesome gift of life! I am choosing adventure, embracing it all. I may shake from the inside out, that will not stop me.

Like the butterfly stuck in the cocoon, I was fearful of breaking through the walls of protection that I have built around me. It has served its purpose, and now it is time to emerge. To remain in the cocoon is to be stagnant, less than alive. I have known women that never left their cocoon, their life constructed of barriers, hidden from life. I am choosing to emerge, to live vibrantly. My wings are vibrant.