During a recent social discussion, a friend brought up the
question, is it worse to be a victim of an accident or the person that caused
the accident. Viewing an accident as an incident without blame, more compassion
is allowed for each person suffering the consequences of the incident.
In daily living, situations get more complex regarding
misunderstandings, mistakes and betrayals of trust. As a person who interacts
with other people, I have been hurt by another’s actions, and my actions have
caused another’s pain. Knowing that someone else is hurting, and that I am the
person responsible, can be unbearable. Justifications for my actions (it had to
be done, there was nothing else I could do, I needed to protect myself, I didn’t
know, etc.) don’t give full solace when I recognize the wounds are real.
When someone offers me forgiveness, no matter instantaneously
or years later, I fully take in the blessing. For me, I know that this person
sees me beyond whatever has transpired, beyond my flaws. I am no longer viewed
as separate in their eyes. Regardless of
receiving this from the other, I need to give this gift of forgiveness to
myself. Forgiveness is not denial or ignoring responsibility. Forgiveness is
recognizing the true self, that I am one with the universe, with love as my
essence. This is not easy, especially when blame and self- doubt are involved,
but it is necessary.
So why do we experience these pains of separation and
mistrust? I cannot pretend to know the answer. I do know that as a person who
has been in need of forgiveness, I find it much easier to forgive. I more
readily see my fellow humans as beings beyond their flaws; that they are also
one with the universe with love as their essence, just as I am. I may not agree
or understand them, and I don’t need to have them in my life to prove my
compassion. When I forgive, we are free
to move forward in life, either together or in different directions.
The power and the grace of this gift fills me with
gratitude.
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