Forgiveness as a Path to Love

During a recent social discussion, a friend brought up the question, is it worse to be a victim of an accident or the person that caused the accident. Viewing an accident as an incident without blame, more compassion is allowed for each person suffering the consequences of the incident.

In daily living, situations get more complex regarding misunderstandings, mistakes and betrayals of trust. As a person who interacts with other people, I have been hurt by another’s actions, and my actions have caused another’s pain. Knowing that someone else is hurting, and that I am the person responsible, can be unbearable. Justifications for my actions (it had to be done, there was nothing else I could do, I needed to protect myself, I didn’t know, etc.) don’t give full solace when I recognize the wounds are real.

When someone offers me forgiveness, no matter instantaneously or years later, I fully take in the blessing. For me, I know that this person sees me beyond whatever has transpired, beyond my flaws. I am no longer viewed as separate in their eyes.  Regardless of receiving this from the other, I need to give this gift of forgiveness to myself. Forgiveness is not denial or ignoring responsibility. Forgiveness is recognizing the true self, that I am one with the universe, with love as my essence. This is not easy, especially when blame and self- doubt are involved, but it is necessary.

So why do we experience these pains of separation and mistrust? I cannot pretend to know the answer. I do know that as a person who has been in need of forgiveness, I find it much easier to forgive. I more readily see my fellow humans as beings beyond their flaws; that they are also one with the universe with love as their essence, just as I am. I may not agree or understand them, and I don’t need to have them in my life to prove my compassion.  When I forgive, we are free to move forward in life, either together or in different directions.

The power and the grace of this gift fills me with gratitude.

My Lesson

At this time in my yoga teacher training, I am constantly taking classes from different teachers and different styles of yoga to enhance my own practice, which segues into the classes that I will teach. As I take these classes, I journal my experience; what resonated, distracted, challenged, inspired, bored or confused me. There are always teachers that I more naturally connect with their styles. There are also some days that I am not fully present, and I don’t absorb all that the class is offering. Each experience is unique.

What I do know is that I have never had a “bad” class. I have had classes that didn’t feel as beneficial or authentic for me, but those were mostly due to the different styles of teaching or a discipline of yoga that doesn’t naturally fit what I am seeking. This is especially validated to me when I witness the other students raving about the experience we just shared, while I’m floating alone in my opinion. In these instances, I have learned to open myself up to the lesson; what do I have to learn here and now? This way I have the opportunity to leave the class with a new insight or perspective.

Off the mat, this attitude has noticeably helped. Yes, it is much easier to practice on the mat, where it’s just me facing me; my fears, insecurities, limitations, progression and eventual accomplishments. Off the mat, I face people and situations outside of me; unfamiliar and unpredictable. My natural reaction is to retreat and hide. Through yoga, I have learned to give myself space to breathe in any circumstance. Then I can pose the question “what lesson is there here for me?”

Sometimes the lesson is that the current relationship or situation is not healthy for me, and I need to either respectfully remove myself or reinforce my personal boundaries. Many times the lesson is to be more fully present, to offer myself in service or companionship. There are relationships, jobs, classes and social gatherings that I tend to grade by how much I enjoyed them. I can list my approvals and disappointments in great detail. The problem with this approach is that someone or something outside of me is responsible for my enjoyment. Maybe even my happiness? That’s a problem.

What if I opened the question to a broader scale, “what is here for me?” If there is truly nothing, then I have my answer and I don’t need to waste anymore of my energy. Yet even the smallest draw may be reason enough to open myself to the experience, to be more fully present.

What I have discovered is that typically it’s my own fears and insecurities that are blocking my enjoyment. When I am fully present, I am better aware of these tendencies, and I can release them. When I free myself from my own blocks, that’s when magic is possible. I have found moments of true connection with another person, solutions to what was previously impossible, and the delicate beauty that has surrounded me the entire time.