This is a message I received last year. It gave me hope,
though I was wary to believe it. Instead of focusing on releasing pain, I
studied and practiced yoga. I meditated and journaled. I connected with the amazing
friends and had fun. Eventually, the pain that defined me faded dimly in the
background.
New experiences and connections created space for a new
perspective. I was blessed with opportunities to expand. I found people were
connecting with my classes. I discovered new circles of friends whose paths
aligned with mine, and we became a source of strength and encouragement for
each other. I lived in awe and bliss of my new life, no longer overshadowed by
scorn. It was my challenge to accept that I could actually be this happy; doing
the work that I love and sharing my life with loving heart-centered companions.
And then the past paid a visit. In respect to others
involved, I shall remain vague. However this series of events forced me to face
what has imprisoned my heart. The beliefs that I am not enough as I am, that I
am unworthy, that I am wrong- all came hurling back. Was I just living in a fantastic
mirage, and this lesser being is the truth of who I am?
I prepared to give up and shut down. However, my loving
support system would not allow this. Through connecting with those who shared
my painful past, we joined together in a new understanding. My newer circles
recognized a turning point in my healing process, and cheered me onward. My
life was now constructed in a way that could release bitterness and blame, and
allow love and forgiveness to flow in. The reality of the past no longer fit.
Moving away from ambiguity, I can share one specific experience
that encouraged me to keep my heart brave and open. I was driving on unfamiliar
roads to see a friend. We had just taken collision off our insurance, and I was
convinced I was going to do something stupid and get in an accident. Then I
couldn’t stop thinking about my mind creating the setting that would cause my
fears to more likely materialize.
Then I remembered about creating an intention, which is part
of my yoga practice. I breathed fully and said aloud “I intend to get to my
friend’s place safely. I intend to arrive relaxed and peaceful. I intend to enjoy our time together.” As I continued mindful breathing, I began to appreciate the beauty around me. The sky seemed to open up just for me. I felt a stillness rising from within. My ears became acutely aware
of the words singing through the speakers:
Beloved child, you are the light
of the world
Beloved child, go out, spread light to
the world
Be strong, be kind, be brave
Know your mind, know that you’re divine
Know that it’s alright to be afraid
Know that you are loved, rest in peace
Dream your sweet dreams, ’til your soul
is released.
In Dreams
Jai-Jagdeesh
Of Heaven and Earth
(p) 2013 Spirit Voyage Records
I laughed and cried at once. My
life is not a mirage. I am blissfully on my path, surrounded by support and
guidance. The lies of my worthlessness no longer trap me. That illusion never
belonged to me; though it did gift me with a depth of compassion that I
otherwise would not have understood. I am grateful for this wisdom as I
continue through the doors opening before me.
