Bhakti Yoga

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
"Anthem" Leonard Cohen

I've been having a few rough days. A lot seemed to be happening at once, and I was challenged keeping up. I felt inadequate. Then nobody showed for my yoga class, and my ego really took a hit!

Yes, my ego is still intact. I have yet to burn through all my illusions and attachments to come into a perfect state of enlightenment. I stopped waiting for it to happen. Yes, I am on my path. I study, pray and meditate. I am learning to trust that I am where I am supposed to be. When no one showed for class, that trust cracked a bit.

The truth is this happens. People have job, families to care for, they aren't going to make every class they would want. My ego convinces me otherwise. Maybe I'm failing. Maybe I'm not doing enough. Maybe I am not enough.

I am learning that we don't always see the entire picture. What looks bleak can become our blessing. What feels uncomfortable or even painful may become our breakthrough. It can fuel us to create the changes necessary to move forward.

The next class I taught was filled with wonderful people that I see every week. They are so lovely and open to whatever I'm drawn to share with them. I feel useful. They have grown more comfortable asking me questions and giving me feedback after class. This gift of community gets me out of my self-depreciating rut.

I have been listening to the CD "Seva Volume 7, Sounds of Bhakti" shipped to me from Kripalu. I use it in my home practice, and recently began sharing the music with my classes. Seva is Sanskrit which translates as service. Bhakti is the yoga of love and devotion. It is leading life with an open heart and connecting to the Divine. This is what I stopped appreciating in myself. It was time to be reminded.

On this day,  I led this wonderful group of yogis inspired by this music. I spoke very little, allowing the class to connect to the mantras being sung. Every word, every pose had meaning. They sprang from a divine source, guiding me. The energy in the room was palpable. I saw each person shine brighter and brighter. My ego got very quiet.

In my Kripalu teacher training, Jurian Hughes shared the most essential requirement to being a yoga teacher. "Just love them." There's a message from the angels, "we wish you could see yourself as we see you." I close my sessions, "the light in you is seen and honored by the light in me. Namaste."

This is Bhakti Yoga.

Solstice

Last night we embarked up Pyramid Mountain on a group hike in celebration of the winter solstice, led by our friend, Douglas Vorolieff. As we witnessed the sun setting while the moon was rising, my friend Irene remarked that she became very aware of walking on Earth, this massive planet. It was a shared moment of wonder, a return to innocence.

As we walked down the mountain in the moonlight, I noticed the group got very quiet. It was a sacred stillness that I have experienced after some yoga classes. Partially stemming from fatigue, there is also a sense of connection to something greater.

As I journey into this new season, my intention is to remain connected to that which is greater than me as I let go of lesser attachments. When I am aligned with that, I experience more ease and joy. Arguments resolve, wounds heal, new friendships and other miracles become commonplace.

There are many ways to get into this space: nature, yoga, prayer, meditation, music, art and zillions more. Sometimes it's challenging to find time. I am blessed that my schedule is usually flexible, though there are times when it gets strained. At those times, a deep breath and a quick prayer suffice.

My gift to you this season is my discovery of the Map of Consciousness, created by Dr. David Hawkins. Using applied kinesiology, specific states of consciousness were identified and measured. The lowest level of shame logs at 20 and the highest level of enlightenment logs at 1000. Courage logs at 200, which begins the higher levels of positivity and truth. All we need is courage to expand into higher levels of consciousness! I enthusiastically encourage you to look deeper into Dr. Hawkins writings and lectures.

However you choose to go into this new season, I wish you peace.

The light in you is seen and honored by the light in me.

Namaste.

The Music Within

Yesterday, we attended my dad's last performance singing in the barbershop group, Morris Music Men. It was the first time my parents, all the children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren were together in many years. The performance was beautiful and fun. The kids got excited to hear songs they knew, like "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and "Day-O." Between songs, the MC shared entertaining stories peppered with jokes. Some songs stirred deeper emotions and memories. There were moments that I was overwhelmed with a certain joy; watching my dad and his friends on stage and sharing this experience with the people I love. I literally felt my heart expand. It even hurt a little.

My family has its complex histories as a whole as well as within individual relationships, as I have learned most families do. I'm really proud that we all agreed to come together to support my dad. It's not easy to let go of the words and actions past. It's not easy to resist falling back into those patterns that aren't loving or honorable.

I brought my experience from yesterday into my yoga practice this morning. I didn't know how it would unfold, so I started with my sister's mantra, "it is what it is." I allowed my breath to guide the movement. I dared to breathe deeper, to listen, to feel. My most tangible, physical body assured me I am safe. My breath opened more space within me. My mind focused on observing what was present, what was shifting. Divine wisdom revealed my true power. As I continued to explore this revelation, I slowly surrendered in bliss.

Our words and actions stem from what's happening within us; our thoughts, feelings and beliefs. If those are negative, so will our words and actions. Our true power is we can change our thoughts, which change our feelings. When we change to more positive thoughts, and feel positive, our words and actions become more positive. When the feedback we receive becomes more positive, then our beliefs can change. This true power that we have within us affects everyone and everything around us. It is our choice how we influence our environment.

Hugging my dad goodbye, I thanked him for bringing us all together again. The show was a beautiful gift to us, bringing us together in music and laughter. It was a really good performance. He said they were just having fun up there. When you're having fun, it's easy.

Now I See

Recently, I was invited by our lovely friends, Martin and Nancy Nusbaum, to visit The See Eye, a  philanthropic organization whose mission is to enhance the independence, dignity, and self-confidence of blind people through the use of Seeing Eye^®dogs. On a Saturday morning, I joined a tour of the Seeing Eye, led by Martin. I gained a greater understanding of what it is like to maneuver through life with blindness,and the gift of independence the Seeing Eye dogs offer.


The Seeing Eye's comprehensive program breeds and raises puppies to become Seeing Eye dogs (or obtains them occasionally by purchase or exchange); trains Seeing Eye dogs to guide blind people; instructs blind people in the proper use, handling, and care of the dogs; conducts and supports research on canine health and development.

Martin and one of the graduates of the program shared their experiences and answered our questions with candor and passion. The basis of the training is love. When a puppy is raised in a private home through the program, they are taught simple commands, learn social behavior, and experience love with an abundance of affection. When the dog is ready for training back at the Seeing Eye, the focus of the work is cultivated, and they are rewarded with affection. When the owners meet their dogs and learn to navigate together, the relationship develops with love.
I experienced this love through my relatively short visit. The puppy with Martin was not shy in sharing his affection with me and the other visitors. It creates a very warm and relaxed atmosphere. My protective walls came down and my heart beamed open. It is a common occurrence at the Seeing Eye, people leave transformed by their interactions with the dogs. Even if they are working, their very presence is calming.

A few days later, Pete and I participated in a yoga practice guided by Nancy at the Seeing Eye. The mediation and yoga theme was peace. In this sacred space of love and trust, peace flowed with ease. 

Nancy teaches teaches Wednesday evenings at 6:30pm at Purple Om.
If you are interested in donating, every dollar of your gift goes to support The Seeing Eye’s programs. All gifts to The Seeing Eye are tax deductible.

A Day at the Beach

A day at the beach brings days past back to life. The tastes of the salty water, the grit of the sand, the relentless sun blazing on the skin feels the same.

We bring our grandchildren to the beach, who play in the sand and jump the waves just as our daughter did. Years play back before my eyes. The hand that reaches out for me to hold feels the same.

And yet, this moment of stillness also passes. Cups get knocked over, sand gets everywhere, and we brought so much stuff we can't find what we need. All these little annoyances are a blessing. Little pinches of reality. Life is teaching me to cherish them all.

Morning Ritual

Like many people, I was conditioned to earn approval. Pass the test, meet the deadline, clean up, pay money, etc. If I didn't meet expectations, the consequences ranged from disappointment to punishment. Society's dangling carrot of approval incrementally moving further beyond my reach. I teetered between trying harder and giving up.

What was missing was the connection to me. That concept wasn’t encouraged or even taught. All that external focus to gain approval and stay out of trouble overrode any internal focus. If it can’t be measured or graded, what is the value? Depleted from running on that hamster wheel to nowhere, I had no choice but to get off the carousel and figure out a new way.

I started with my physical body, which was overweight and addicted to cigarettes. I started walking, biking, practicing yoga and fun workout videos. I noticed when I felt hungry and how I felt after I ate. I used an online food and exercise tracker. I felt stronger, and my body moved easier. I also felt more confident. Some people noticed the changes and offered compliments.  Although touching, I was surprised how little I needed it. I have created a strong connection to my body that didn’t require outside validation.

However, I still struggled with people-pleasing and social anxiety. This connection goes deeper, right to the heart. I was completely lost here, out of touch with who I was and what mattered to me. I sought desperately for guidance, never satisfied. I was back on the carousel.

I have practiced meditation for a long time, having powerful and insightful experiences in group meditations. I needed more, and I couldn’t just rely on the group. As I commit to a personal meditation practice, my focus inward grows stronger. I listen to my heart. It lets me know if I am moving in the right direction, or I need to change course. As I nurture this loving relationship with myself, I find that this connection is a gateway to the divine nature that I have known as God. God had always been too big a concept for me to understand. Now I experience the awe and joy of connection beyond this tangible existence.

Like any relationship, this needs work to keep it alive and vital. It’s too easy to fall back into despair and apathy. This world challenges me over and over to give up; it’s too hard and nobody cares. In order to keep myself connected and on my path, I need to start each day checking-in and reaffirming my commitment to myself. This morning ritual has evolved over the years, and it keeps changing. The following are the basic practices that work for me:

1.       Exercise- even 10 minutes of sun salutations awakens the body and brings a sense of accomplishment. I exercise throughout the day, so I don’t need to get it all in before breakfast.

2.       Meditate- if the weather is agreeable, I'll do walking meditations and combine these first 2 practices. I also listened to guided meditations, chanting, or just focus on my breath.

3.       Journal- stream of conscious writing is very effective for connecting within.

4.       Inspirational reading or media- if not in the morning ritual then at some time during the day. Sometimes it resonates, sometimes it doesn’t. It never hurts.

5.       Prayer/ intention- whatever is stuck in my heart, this releases it out to the universe, to work out however it’s supposed to work out.

There are many ways to practice connecting to our authentic self. Committing to a morning ritual sets the tone that you desire for the day. This summer, I am offering a 7am yoga class Monday through Friday at Be Well. I will be sharing and exploring tools that you may incorporate with your own morning rituals. If that not available to you, smiling when you first wake up each day is a great practice! I highly recommend it.

Witness Consciousness

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” 
― Rumi

As I sat sick in my bed, too congested to breathe, I longed to be liberated from my own body. The same body that gave birth, survived car accidents, loved and hugged. I was desperate for sleep that my body would not allow. And so I noticed what was in that moment. I felt my muscles ache, the rawness in my throat and sinuses. I noticed the moving shadows on the wall as cars passed, the tissues piled on the nightstand and my book next to my pillows. Instead of reading to distraction, I continued observing myself in this space, until finally sleep succeeded. 

Physical wounds are the most obvious obstacles to peace of mind. The wounds of the heart are not as tangible, yet can be an even greater disturbance on inner peace. My good friend Steven recently led a discussion on relationships, sharing "If one of our relationships is not at peace, are we? Hell no!"

I'm somewhat experienced at analyzing relationships. Trying to understand personal discord often leads to mental anguish. I can go down that rabbit hole of doubting self-worth quite easily. The mental wounds are tricky mine fields, accumulated over time from major and minor traumas. Not easy to find peace there.

Between physical, emotional and mental wounds that I carry, where is it possible to find peace? I've spent enough energy in social and family dramas, trying to numb myself with food, cigarettes and mindless TV. I tried going to church and pray, but I was so caught up in complaining about this wounded life, I never shut up and listened.

Until I did.

It was in a yoga class, when the teacher encouraged us to feel what was happening as we moved and as we held a pose. That practice re-trained my mind to observe, to take a backseat to the experience. I learned not to judge what was happening, just to allow it to happen. Over time, this released pent-up emotions, thoughts and beliefs that no longer worked for me. Many were no longer valid or even true. It is painful to face these head-on; even more painful to let them go. They're like little deaths of what always defined me, what I had always known.

What was left was a great emptiness, a freedom of movement. I didn't need to fill it right away, new opportunities and fresh experiences came naturally in good time. With my yoga practice, I experience this phenomenon in varying degrees over and over. In time, I become clearer as I just observe what is present, and allow it to pass through me. 

It is that simple, but it is not easy. Maybe it gets easier in time. I'll let you know. What I do know is the fruit of my practice, finding that sweet nectar of being. Without effort or distraction, it has always been.

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
― Mahatma Gandhi